Old Jokes Home
Q. How many G4S security staff does it
take to change a lightbulb?
�
A. Six soldiers and a policeman.
(shamelessly nicked from popbitch.com and posted here for your amusement)
Old jokes home
Started by
sparkydale
, Jul 19 2012 04:54 PM
40 replies to this topic
#2
Posted 20 July 2012 - 11:13 AM
G4S employee to competitor carrying a long pole: "Are you a pole vaulter?"
Competitor: "No I'm german, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
Gets coat....
Competitor: "No I'm german, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
Gets coat....
#3
Posted 20 July 2012 - 11:32 AM
G4S employee to competitor carrying a long pole: "Are you a pole vaulter?"
Competitor: "No I'm german, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
#5
Posted 20 July 2012 - 12:42 PM
old one:
Guys goes into a Library and asks the Librarian for a book on suicide -
Librarian "No chance you wont bring it back!"
Guys goes into a Library and asks the Librarian for a book on suicide -
Librarian "No chance you wont bring it back!"
#6
Posted 20 July 2012 - 01:27 PM
Well known but my personal favourite:
A young woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gives her one.
A young woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gives her one.
#8
Posted 20 July 2012 - 01:50 PM
Two old codgers on a park bench, one says to the other, " Oi! yer flies are undone"
The other old codger says, "What's the matter, you haven't seen a dead canary ever fall out of it's cage have you?"
The other old codger says, "What's the matter, you haven't seen a dead canary ever fall out of it's cage have you?"
#9
Posted 20 July 2012 - 02:03 PM
Two ladies at Bingo
One says "Did you come on the bus"
The other replies "Yes........... but I made it look like an asthma attack!"
One says "Did you come on the bus"
The other replies "Yes........... but I made it look like an asthma attack!"
#10
Posted 20 July 2012 - 02:17 PM
Two Nuns in a bath, one says to the other, "Where's the soap?"
The other Nun says, "Yes, it does doesn't it?"
The other Nun says, "Yes, it does doesn't it?"
#11
Posted 20 July 2012 - 02:35 PM
I don't get it 
and need to know!
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
and need to know!TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
#12
Posted 20 July 2012 - 02:38 PM
You mean the Nun Joke? "Where's = WEARS, (as in WORN)"I don't get it
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
Edited by Dave SYP, 20 July 2012 - 02:38 PM.
#13
Posted 20 July 2012 - 02:44 PM
right...... I must be tired today still baffled
Edited by alexINcant, 20 July 2012 - 02:44 PM.
#14
Posted 20 July 2012 - 02:52 PM
YOU NEED TO ASK SOME MATURE PERSON NEARBY REALLY. I can't go into graphics on here.right...... I must be tired today still baffled
#15
Posted 20 July 2012 - 02:54 PM
oh ok i figured it would be some kind of innuendo just don't see it 
anyway, back to the jokes!
anyway, back to the jokes!
#16
Posted 20 July 2012 - 09:21 PM
I kid you not this was my convo with a G4S guard tonight:
me: Hi mate, is it ok if i go grab some pics of the police vehicles over there? Im interested in police vehicles and i want to join the police
him: thats fine mate as long as ur not a journo
me: Hahahaha no need to worry im not one!
Ohhh G4S!
me: Hi mate, is it ok if i go grab some pics of the police vehicles over there? Im interested in police vehicles and i want to join the police
him: thats fine mate as long as ur not a journo
me: Hahahaha no need to worry im not one!
Ohhh G4S!
#17
Posted 20 July 2012 - 09:30 PM
When things experience friction they get worn, the innuendo here is the suggestion the members of the clergy would be using it for self pleasure and she wore the soap down...oh ok i figured it would be some kind of innuendo just don't see it
#18
Posted 20 July 2012 - 09:58 PM
I know a joke!
Theresa May
That is all.
Theresa May
That is all.
Edited by -AJ, 20 July 2012 - 09:59 PM.
#19
Posted 20 July 2012 - 10:00 PM
Let's go funnier?I know a joke!
Theresa May
That is all.
G4S are Professionals.
#20
Posted 23 July 2012 - 12:51 PM
Sheer eloquence, and without smut too! Just what I would have expected from you Mike.When things experience friction they get worn, the innuendo here is the suggestion the members of the clergy would be using it for self pleasure and she wore the soap down...
A horse goes into a bar and the barman asks, "Why the long face?"
Another one from ecclesiastical circles:
Vicar: "Is that Fanny Green in the third pew on the left?
Verger: "No, it's the sun shining through the stained glass window"
#21
Posted 23 July 2012 - 01:02 PM
A Bishop went to a remote parish church to give a sermon and he had forgotten to put his false teeth in that morning. He asked the Churchwarden if he could help. The Churchwarden pulled out a set from his pocket and the Bishop tried them. "Too loose". He pulls out another pair "Too tight", says the Bishop. The Churchwarden pulls out another pair of false teeth from his jacket pocket and the Bishop tries them. "Perfect fit! .. I bet you are a Dentist by trade aren't you?" says the Bishop. "No Your Grace, an Undertaker" replies the Churchwarden....... 
#22
Posted 23 July 2012 - 01:14 PM
Why do only 10% of women go to heaven?
.... Because if they all went it would be hell
.... Because if they all went it would be hell
Edited by alexINcant, 23 July 2012 - 01:24 PM.
#23
Posted 23 July 2012 - 01:15 PM
What happens if you sit under a cow.....?
.....You get a pat on the head
.....You get a pat on the head
#24
Posted 23 July 2012 - 01:46 PM
We used to have an old sergeant in our station who was nicknamed "The Olympic Flame"...........Because he never went out.
#25
Posted 23 July 2012 - 03:41 PM
Two cannibals eating a clown, one says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
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