30 replies to this topic

[General Purpose]

So, my little problem...

I started dating Mr. GP in April last. We get on really well and I do love him, but: Since March time he has been very cagey, not willing to stay at my house (it's not that bad!) and very lazy.

Mr. GP studies at Uni and as such has many male gay friends which doesn't bother me - as I do too. I asked to borrow his mobile around March and was told to: "Leave it alone." That shocked me slightly to say the least. I had never known Mr. GP's phone password as I had always trusted him and, would have hoped, if I ever needed to use it I would be allowed.

Anyway, it carries on....

We had a little argument and eventually Mr. GP gave his password up. I did go through the phone and there was nothing there, baring text messages from one person who will be named as DB. There wasn't anything explicit from Mr. GP on there nor DB. But something didn't seem quite right and I couldn't quite place my finger on it.

Anyway a few months passed with nothing being said...

I happened to finish a night shift and was going into four rest days (hmmmmmm nice....!) and I asked Mr. GP if he would like to do something on the first day to save wasting it. He said we should go to Essex (Lakeside) for the day, I explained about the whole finishing at 07:00 thing but would be fine after a few hours sleep. Mr. GP said that's fine. I asked if I could go straight to his house, sleep and then go (I get on well with his parents). He point blankly refused so much so he "cancelled" the day out and said he was going to work instead. Didn't bother me as he is saving for Uni fees.

I happened to awake at about 13:00 and logged onto Facebook to see "Mr. GP has been tagged with DB at Lakeside shopping centre." I, at that point, was mildly angry that I had been lied to! When I spoke to Mr. GP about that he said he re-arranged work for the next day - another day we had planned to go out. Anyway he went to work and I saw him in the evening. The other two days I was busy with other things I needed to do.

That passed and lead us up to tonight.

I asked if he wanted me to pop over after work and he said no as he would be too tired. I text saying I was going to my friend's house for dinner and to really kill the evening and not go to bed at 20:00 like I have been for the last week.

Mr. GP instantly texted asking if I wanted a 3-some. I'm sure you can imagine my shock. I asked what he meant and he replied "I want to sample all before I die, so why not?". I became very confused and said I'm not interested as I only want him (which I think is fair!). Mr. GP then became very evasive as to why he wanted one. I asked him not to sleep with anyone else, to which he didn't reply to the text with any direct answers. Throughout the night he had been "hinting" at having one with someone, despite my ask not to.

So... What do you think?
A) He is cheating
B) He's planning/is up to something
C) Totally innocent and nothing to worry about

[MrKguy]

After asking what he asked you, is there a doubt he is cheating? Defiantly not nothing to worry about, but nothing to over worry about. If he is cheating, its not the end of the world even though it may seem like it.

In my opinion though, To tell the truth he is cheating.

[Lucas North]

Even if he isn't cheating, he sounds like a Class A ****.

Move to re-cycle bin.

[General Purpose]

I have asked him outright, it's not the first time he would have lied to me. All I would like is the truth! Lol.

[MikeBrum]

After asking what he asked you, is there a doubt he is cheating? Defiantly not nothing to worry about, but nothing to over worry about. If he is cheating, its not the end of the world even though it may seem like it.

In my opinion though, To tell the truth he is cheating.

Whatever you do, ignore the above - no offence MrKguy, but you don't know that - only suspect it and you could ruin a relationship over it!

As I said on the other place GP, from what it sounds like - the threesome thing could just be a pressured into it type of thing, I had a similar situation there with a drunk straight guy who I didn't want to upset!

For starters, that weird thing about their texts could be the 'I don't want to offend you' style of writing that comes across when somebody you don't like texts you and you don't want to upset them in your reply (makes life easier!) - so we can discount that. The going out could have been very much a "You're coming whether you like it or not" from this DB character, and he might not have wanted to be there - it could all be designed to look like the worst by this DB guy.

I know how you feel about him, and I know how you say he feels about you and if there's any truth in that you'll get an answer soon, I'm sure he has a perfectly reasonable explanation and he'll give it to you - you just need to talk (don't use that last part when talking to him, it's so negative!)

So when you see him next, just say "When you couldn't go to Lakeside with me imagine how hurt I felt seeing you tagged there with somebody else" or along those lines - don't do this aggressively, more a loving and slightly wistful way - expressing how much you wish you could have been there, assert your upset about not being able to be there!

Then ask him why he didn't end up going to work like he said he would? Not in accusative way, again, a friendly and calm and slightly curious way - it's perfectly reasonable to want to know and if he's the guy you see him as he'll answer you - but remember if he doesn't want to talk about it, never force it - just carry on as normal.

My gut feeling is he's a little jealous of your work life and wishes he could have you all to himself, when it's practicable why not go on holiday somewhere or have just a weekend away in a Travelodge or what not, anything to get close to him and show him how you feel His only way to extract revenge is to try and deprive you of him, trust me I got jealous of Adam and his police shifts, I know how easy it is to start getting angry and annoyed with it, but I also know how easy it is to learn to accept these things and plan a love life around them!

It's perfectly normal to worry and be curious, and I'd be concerned if you weren't worried about little things like this as something's going on, talking is the solution - not panicking nor jumping to conclusions - what you imagine is always 4,000,000x worse than reality!

Of course if I'm completely wrong Adam and myself will be down with our baseball bats [Joke!]

Edited by MikeBrum, 16 June 2012 - 02:29 PM.

[wanabe]

This might help you..

http://www.thesun.co...omepage/deidre/

[MrKguy]

Whatever you do, ignore the above - no offence MrKguy, but you don't know that - only suspect it and you could ruin a relationship over it!

As I said on the other place GP, from what it sounds like - the threesome thing could just be a pressured into it type of thing, I had a similar situation there with a drunk straight guy who I didn't want to upset!

For starters, that weird thing about their texts could be the 'I don't want to offend you' style of writing that comes across when somebody you don't like texts you and you don't want to upset them in your reply (makes life easier!) - so we can discount that. The going out could have been very much a "You're coming whether you like it or not" from this DB character, and he might not have wanted to be there - it could all be designed to look like the worst by this DB guy.

I know how you feel about him, and I know how you say he feels about you and if there's any truth in that you'll get an answer soon, I'm sure he has a perfectly reasonable explanation and he'll give it to you - you just need to talk (don't use that last part when talking to him, it's so negative!)

So when you see him next, just say "When you couldn't go to Lakeside with me imagine how hurt I felt seeing you tagged there with somebody else" or along those lines - don't do this aggressively, more a loving and slightly wistful way - expressing how much you wish you could have been there, assert your upset about not being able to be there!

Then ask him why he didn't end up going to work like he said he would? Not in accusative way, again, a friendly and calm and slightly curious way - it's perfectly reasonable to want to know and if he's the guy you see him as he'll answer you - but remember if he doesn't want to talk about it, never force it - just carry on as normal.

My gut feeling is he's a little jealous of your work life and wishes he could have you all to himself, when it's practicable why not go on holiday somewhere or have just a weekend away in a Travelodge or what not, anything to get close to him and show him how you feel His only way to extract revenge is to try and deprive you of him, trust me I got jealous of Adam and his police shifts, I know how easy it is to start getting angry and annoyed with it, but I also know how easy it is to learn to accept these things and plan a love life around them!

It's perfectly normal to worry and be curious, and I'd be concerned if you weren't worried about little things like this as something's going on, talking is the solution - not panicking nor jumping to conclusions - what you imagine is always 4,000,000x worse than reality!

Of course if I'm completely wrong Adam and myself will be down with our baseball bats [Joke!]

You actually made some good points, lets hope you are correct and not me.

[General Purpose]

Right, ok.


I spoke to Mr. GP this evening at his home, whilst his parents were out.

He explained that: when I said I was going to my Gay friend's house he sent the text (the one about the threesome) as a joke and did not think I would take offence to that. When I explained how I read it and how it made me feel he was very sorry and apologised.

With regards to the rest, that was spoke about as well, to which he also said "I thought you know I'm joking?". When I explained that I have to look at things with tinted specs on at work, when I come home I quite like to not have to think about everything and would like it plainly infront of me. He knows how stressful both of my jobs can be and now does realise if I've come home from work not to "play" around.


With regards to the text messages he has explained that this guy, DB, does fancy him but Mr. GP thinks he is: a "creep"; "weirdo"; "wannabe"; "loser" and a "freak".

So... All does seem Q on the western front now! Thanks chaps

[Chewie]

With regards to the text messages he has explained that this guy, DB, does fancy him but Mr. GP thinks he is: a "creep"; "weirdo"; "wannabe"; "loser" and a "freak".

To misquote Shakespeare, "Methinks he doth protest too much..."

My ex-wife swore blind that nothing untoward was going on, too! It only took her a year after our divorce to admit what was going on...

[Peteee]

With regards to the text messages he has explained that this guy, DB, does fancy him but Mr. GP thinks he is: a "creep"; "weirdo"; "wannabe"; "loser" and a "freak".

So he has weird secret texts from him, went to lakeside with him and lied to you about it..

look someone's written gullible on the ceiling -points-


mind you, I'm massively cynical and heartless about lying partners these days.

[General Purpose]

So he has weird secret texts from him, went to lakeside with him and lied to you about it..

look someone's written gullible on the ceiling -points-


mind you, I'm massively cynical and heartless about lying partners these days.

Gullible, no. Doubtful, yes.

Edited by General Purpose, 18 June 2012 - 11:48 AM.

[rabbit]

Right, ok.


I spoke to Mr. GP this evening at his home, whilst his parents were out.

He explained that: when I said I was going to my Gay friend's house he sent the text (the one about the threesome) as a joke and did not think I would take offence to that. When I explained how I read it and how it made me feel he was very sorry and apologised.

With regards to the rest, that was spoke about as well, to which he also said "I thought you know I'm joking?". When I explained that I have to look at things with tinted specs on at work, when I come home I quite like to not have to think about everything and would like it plainly infront of me. He knows how stressful both of my jobs can be and now does realise if I've come home from work not to "play" around.


With regards to the text messages he has explained that this guy, DB, does fancy him but Mr. GP thinks he is: a "creep"; "weirdo"; "wannabe"; "loser" and a "freak".

So... All does seem Q on the western front now! Thanks chaps

Hmmm.. I think he protests too much. Just be careful. As you listed above he's acted a bit strangely for a while. I don't think anyone is worth upsetting yourself over. I try to enforce the following rule on myself when it comes to any potential Mr LH's: if I spend my time worrying and feeling rubbish because of the way he acts or behaves, or is secretive or whatever get rid. Simple. The minute it starts effecting you is the minute to tell them to shove it

[Chewie]

Hmmm.. I think he protests too much. Just be careful. As you listed above he's acted a bit strangely for a while. I don't think anyone is worth upsetting yourself over. I try to enforce the following rule on myself when it comes to any potential Mr LH's: if I spend my time worrying and feeling rubbish because of the way he acts or behaves, or is secretive or whatever get rid. Simple. The minute it starts effecting you is the minute to tell them to shove it

Couldn't have put it better myself! You've got to be happy and trust the other person - once doubt creeps in it'll just make the relationship that much more difficult to keep on track. It'll drive you crazy wondering if they really are playing away or whether you're imagining the whole thing (take it from someone who's been through it - I'll never forgive her for the way she made me feel at the time, I genuinely thought I was cracking up). If the relationship isn't working, or they've met someone else, if they have any feelings for you at all they should at least have the decency to be honest with you.

[General Purpose]

I went to his house this afternoon (after car shopping) and he was very loving, I laid on the bed (tired) and he came over and cuddled me for about an hour until I fell asleep, where he remained the whole time (awake - no phones) and just cuddled me. He also said he loved me. When we were watching Star Wars (not my choice of T.V!) he cuddled up to me and when his Dad left the room, he kissed me. Anyway.. I asked him if he would move in (just to see what he said) and it was a no until he finishes uni and he wants to save for a decent flat (where he lives, where I want to move to, has some really nice areas (which has megga pound signs) and some very scummy areas (we don't even go through there at night, that's how bad it is!). He also wants to complete his teaching degree. But, when I asked if he actually will move in with me, he nodded and said yes. Anyway, as I were leaving to come home, he hugged me and said "I do love you, I really do.". So I now don't think he is playing away or anything, just he has a strange personality.

[Chewie]

Perhaps I'm a cynical so-and-so, but it sounds to me as if you've decided to only see & hear what you want, choosing to be blissfully ignorant of everything else. After all, you wrote:

...it's not the first time he would have lied to me

Now obviously we don't know the details, but I'm sure it's not a "little white lie" you were referring to in the above quote.

I hope I'm wrong for your sake, but good luck... I think you'll need it!!

Edited by Chewie, 18 June 2012 - 10:24 PM.

[Peteee]

Anyway, as I were leaving to come home, he hugged me and said "I do love you, I really do.".

sounds like guilt but you of course know him and I don't

just be careful not to let him be your everything as or if he turns out how you're worried he will, you'll have nothing

[General Purpose]

sounds like guilt but you of course know him and I don't

just be careful not to let him be your everything as or if he turns out how you're worried he will, you'll have nothing

Yes, that's what I thought. But thinking about it, he doesn't really have time to cheat.

Mon-Fri uni all day.

Thu, Sat and Sun working.

That combined with coursework and seeing me, I can't see how he would have time?

[Chewie]

Yes, that's what I thought. But thinking about it, he doesn't really have time to cheat.

Mon-Fri uni all day.
Thu, Sat and Sun working.
That combined with coursework and seeing me, I can't see how he would have time?

Probably in the same way that he gets to go to Lakeside with another bod for the day without you...

Out of interest, and going to back to the OP, what reason did you have to go through his phone when you got your hands on it? Surely you were already suspicious of something at that point?

Edited by Chewie, 18 June 2012 - 11:06 PM.

[Kilo Sierra]

As some one that has hurt and been hurt, it is quite easy to lie as well as to say nothing, when speaking-if you get me.

However some people are...unusual in their ways and sometimes even the best of us have odd spells. The truth of the matter is however we will possibly never know the score.

It raised alarm bells when your partner has text this DB, but then says that he is a "creep"; "weirdo"; "wannabe"; "loser" and a "freak". This sounds like either misdirection (to think nothing is ever/or is going on) or he doesn't really think it and is covering up something. In personal experiences, sometimes we put up with people we dont really like, to make get our own ends...what could those be? Does DB provide attention? extra finances? romance? conversation? increased ego?

Without more information of work etc, it's difficult to say how reasonable him going shopping rather than work is, but if life is anything like mine, it is very fluid and open to change-so ambiguious as to is this is evidence of good or bad.

There is always a reason and angle, some are good some are bad.

I'd advise officers attending to KIV safety as we say in StaffsPOL

Though the tiny speck of hope and care remaining in my heart these days does think its nice that things seem to be working out, it is nice to cuddle and be close to people (or so i recall... ).

Best of luck in the future and starwars isnt so bad (i can predict a future topic when i see one )

J

Edited by Kilo Sierra, 18 June 2012 - 11:17 PM.

[General Purpose]

From looking on Facebook it appears this DB is a bit of an attention seeker. He comments on a post I made on Mr. GP's status saying: "Well I did invite HIM and YOU to come along, but HE didn't want to because he hates me." So seems to me he is a bit of an attention seeker.

[rabbit]

I'm afraid I'm inclined to say I agree with Chewie..

I hope it does work out for you and you live happily ever after etc, but it does seem to me like you're making excuses for his behaviour and trying to justify it to yourself. I'm quite cynical, but i've had relationships with guys who have been hot and cold with me, like how Mr GP has demonstrated he has been since this has been going on, and it never ends well. Plus you'll end up very suspicious and feel on edge constantly. I really don't think anyone is worth that.

Just tread carefully.

[MacGregor]

Yes, that's what I thought. But thinking about it, he doesn't really have time to cheat.

Mon-Fri uni all day.

Thu, Sat and Sun working.

That combined with coursework and seeing me, I can't see how he would have time?

You'd be amazed at how much time you can make when you really want something.

[funkywingnut]

I think he has tendencies for his own gender but doesn't want to admit it to you.

[Peteee]

awkward

[Merlin820]

Merlin's Matrimonial Matters

Everything that Chewie said plus this: If your gut tells you something is wrong, there normally is.

Don't let him take the rise. If you'd like me to come round and rip his n*ts off I can be hired for a small fee of a bottle of Sancerre or Faustino IV. Nothing else as it gives me a headache.

Edited by David, 21 June 2012 - 06:20 PM.
Naughty word sanitised