Meet the Team: All about your Moderating Team
Posted 01 March 2012 - 11:45 AM
Posted 08 March 2012 - 06:11 PM
Lord Vader was born in a shed in Wales in 1947, and then again in a different shed in 1948, his mother always being somewhat indecisive, a trait which Lord Vader has managed to avoid. Probably. He has a twin brother, Wayne, born three months later than him, who now works for the gas board.
He had a difficult childhood, his father having been sent to fight in the Cairo Chocolate War leaving his mother to work 22 hours a day at the local textile mill, weaving balaclavas for the boys at the front. Lord Vader was left to his own devices from the age of 6 months and it was at about this time that he invented the internet, followed shortly after that by the world wide web and then PoliceSpecials.com.
Lord Vader left home in the summer of 1978, taking the internet, the web and his website with him in a spotted hanky on a stick. He headed for the bright lights of Wimbourne, near Dorset, Cambridgeshire. There he met the love of his life, a blue Ford Fiesta called Shirley. He and Shirley briefly set up home before the intervention of the authorities and a period spent receiving enforced medication and electric shock treatment. Shirley was scrapped. On leaving the institution in 1981, Lord Vader settled in the village of East Anglia near Dumfries where with the addition of a "fat pipe" the broadband internet was born.
The rest of Lord Vader's glittering career is already on record - the loves, the laughs, the lottery win, the glory of the X Factor win, being given the Freedom of Doncaster and most touchingly of all his invitation to join the Reader's Digest VIP club.
These days Lord Vader splits his time between his villa in the Maldives, his apartment in Monte Carlo, and his ski-ing chalet in Milton Keynes. He shares his life with Julie, a pink Ford Ka, and enjoys riding his motorbike in warm weather.
Posted 08 March 2012 - 06:19 PM
Not an academic child, I failed my 11+ 6 times, and I was actually 17 before I managed to finally scrape a passing grade. This left very little time to study for my GCSE's, which meant that I had to explore other options to make a living.
Meeting a (seemingly) nice man in a pub one night, we got to talking, and he told me tales of wonder and riches beyond the dreams of Avaris. Needless to say, that this was how I stumbled, almost blindly, into the adult film industry, along side people such as Michelle Thorne and Cathy Barry. Who coincidently and rather oddly, both live in the area that I now police, small world eh! As for the (nice) man in the pub, well, he wasn't lying, and that's how I made my first million.
From about 25 (so long after the porn star looks had faded) I moved around the UK quite a lot, trying desperately to find an area to live in where every dirty old man didn't already know what I looked like naked, it was, to say the least, a difficult time (Damn Sky).
Finally I managed to find a man that didn't have Sky or Cable TV, and he felt sorry for me and took me in, and we've been together ever since. I still won't let him subscribe to satellite TV though, just in case.
I joined the police in 2003, PoliceSpecials.com in 2005 and for some unknown, and still quite frankly baffling reason, was offered the position of a full mod on PS.com about 18 months ago. To be honest, I think it was the drugs that I'd managed to slip into LV's cream soda that did it. Rohipnol is a great aid to promotion if used properly
Posted 08 March 2012 - 06:37 PM
With a grade C in domestic science Cheetah worked in many of the worlds famous kitchens mainly as a gatherer of meats especially ones that could run fast. During this time he also became a male escort mainly working for elderly rich ladies who would just want him to sit on their lap and purr, something which he still takes great pleasure in today.
Cheetah was forced into MODship after Lord Vader witnessed him chasing down and ripping the throat out of a poster who had asked a question about which boots and torch they should buy. He can usually be found chained to a post near the bins outside PS.com towers where the other mods occasionally throw him their scraps.
Cheetah is a man of mystery and power, whose power is exceeded only by his mystery.
Posted 08 March 2012 - 07:54 PM
Meeting a guy just out of Tulse Hill, and after giving him a hot meal, three months later the inevitable happened. She was a girl in trouble and she’d not seen him in a while. She’d not seen him in a while. She was just 16, he was 21, and her father would most certainly have shot him if he’d known what he’d done.
Abandoned by his mother in the travelling show in the Savernake Forest just days old, David was found by a friendly woodsman with a huge chopper. David was taken to the friendly man’s lamplit cabin where he and his wife, who had large baps that the woodsman enjoyed nibbling on every day at lunchtimes, raised him as their own until three days later the woodsman was attacked by a wolf on the way to see his grandmother. Named Maria, no one had seen her, the woodsman's wife believed in life after love. Unable to cope, however, the woodsman’s wife (missing the regular swinging of her husband’s huge chopper) left David abandoned in the forest once more. Dressed in nothing but a onesie and clutching his only friend in the world, a corn dolly lovingly crafted by the woodsman’s wife, David was left to be raised by the woodland animals.
David was found by a passing dog-walker who pointed and laughed as he vidoed the child. By quirk of fate, the video was seen on YouTube where a man, Mr Sykes, who sold books for a living, saw a striking likeness to his own granddaughter. The man made enquiries and followed almost impossible clues to locate the forest and found David lying in exactly the same position as the video depicted. Gathering the child, he took him home. Facing Social Services, who stated that it was not Mr Sykes’ position to remove the child but to have left him where he was since he was in no immediate danger and was amongst his animal friends in the forest, common sense won through and the man adopted David. Uneducated and wild, David attended school where he would bite pupils and teachers on a regular basis, making squirrel noises and howling like a dog. Love, kindness and absolute patience won through and eventually David was able to leave school being able to count and recite his alphabet by the time he was 16. Concerns were raised in later years he was reverting to type with frequent and startling inhuman noises until it became apparent David was merely attempting to sing songs he had heard off the radio.
A locket of his grand-daughter’s hair in the rich bookman’s possession and a subsequent DNA test showed that David was more wolf than human. The bookman was disappointed that the child was not his great-grandson and stopped singing ‘Be Back Soon’ every day. Falling in to depression, a distraught Mr Sykes bought himself a dog and named it Bullseye, changing his own name to William. Sadly he died when he fell off of the house he had found a drink on and since that day had never considered himself at home.
Leaving school at 16 David tried to forge a living in print. Successful to a degree, this was never entirely satisfactory however because of his inability to use toilet facilities correctly. Uneducated and wild, David was eventually approached by a force from the dark side in the early years where he was taught phrases that you see repeated to this day.
Posted 09 March 2012 - 01:27 AM
There, the station sergeant handed Giraffe a uniform, and at the age of 15 was one of the more mature Specials at the station. Giraffe became popular in the local community, and was soon appointed to the Chelsea youth team where he went onto become Captain. It was this that led to Giraffe being invited to participate on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here, but the sight of the jungle brought about painful memories for Giraffe who left before the cameras even started rolling.
Giraffe has received numerous commendations for bravery, including on one occasion apprehending three ostriches who were rifling through crisp packets at a petrol station. A fourth ostrich escaped and is still being hunted.
It was during a karaoke competition that Giraffe met Lord Vader - having both made it to the final, Giraffe graciously conceded defeat to the great Lord in exchange for a modship on PS.com. This experience as a moderator has led him to regularly provide advice on world affairs to President Obama, and the two have gone on to become good friends.
Posted 09 March 2012 - 09:02 AM
Deciding to branch out, he opened his first bakery at just twelve years old in Kiev, the capital city. Soon the locals there realised his talent and his customer base was huge. Seeing an opportunity, he decided to branch out even further.
He paid 2000 Hryvnias (about £158 today) for travel to Britain underneath a Russian truck. Laying above the rear axle for the 1500 mile trip, he was eagerly anticipating branching out in Britain. It was a long cold journey, and he only had two loaves to feed himself, and a flask of hot tea which only stayed hot for around three hours.
He arrived via the port of Dover on 16/7/1993, and managed to go undetected by customs. Making his first footsteps in England, he disembarked from his safe haven of the truck's rear axle at Maidstone services on the M20. He had just enough money to buy himself a breakfast, and then set about making his way to London.
Hitch-hiking his way for a further two days, he eventually arrived in the East End and began sampling the various types of bread available. Unimpressed, he knew he'd make his first million soon after.
Obtaining a fake National Insurance card and passport from a dodgy bloke in a local pub, he got a job in a small bakery in Hackney, where he eventually convinced the owner to allow him to bake his own style of bread. Within weeks, people were queuing thousands deep to have their own personalised bread.
Seeing his takings rocket by 6000%, the owner made Bas joint owner, and three weeks later Bas bought him out. So with his first bakery, he now set about making links with the manufacturing industry to mass produce his bread. He soon had his website up and running with the help of a local entrepreneur known only as Vader. His business took care of itself, with the money rolling in from internet orders. Then, in typical British fashion, he sold out to foreign ownership, selling his company, Sevastopol Loafers, to the French.
Sure, he was now worth £6m, but it wasn't enough, He was bored. Nothing to do but count his money. He sent lots of it home to his family, making sure he still had enough to get by.
Looking for his next challenge, he met up again with that entrepreneur, Vader, who required people to assist him in keeping his website, for Police Officers, sensible and attractive. Bas jumped at the chance and, after being taken under the wing of a man known only as "David", he soon got the hang of it. A famous but elusive figure, David's Gran, gave him good advice. "Keep the Pringles flowing, and my David will look after you" were her words.
A week later, a pallet of Pringles arrived at PS.Com HQ, and the rest is history.
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