53 replies to this topic

[Sappmer]

Im in two minds if i should delete the photos, 1 i dont want to look at them but I dont want to delete them :/

I'd say if they are photos on paper, then put them in that box I referred to earlier. If they're on your phone, e-mail them (or download them) and make a special folder on your computer thats hidden away.

[Whopper MacBig]

Spliting up, how do you deal with it?

A spellchecker should sort that out for you.

[CSC1]

Badly. Infact the last time very very badly.

2 years down the line and I'd say life is back to normal or there abouts.

[TallGuy]

A new patio helps.

[Burnsy2023]

Badly. Infact the last time very very badly.

2 years down the line and I'd say life is back to normal or there abouts.

Some people seem to get over relationships in a matter of weeks. I, like you seem to take much longer than that

[Merlin820]

Im in two minds if i should delete the photos, 1 i dont want to look at them but I dont want to delete them :/

Don't do anything in an emotional state. You won't stay that way forever and might find you wanted to keep them as part of your past.

Badly. Infact the last time very very badly.

2 years down the line and I'd say life is back to normal or there abouts.

I walked away from a relationship without ever looking back because of his violent behaviour. And I did love him, once. So that was very easy to get over. However, I had a long-term relationship after that and it took me months if not years to get over him.

[Burnsy2023]

I walked away from a relationship without ever looking back because of his violent behaviour. And I did love him, once. So that was very easy to get over. However, I had a long-term relationship after that and it took me months if not years to get over him.

It's much harder when feeling just change. If you've got something to be angry about, you can channel that to getting over them, but if they've fallen out of love with you and you still have strong feelings, moving on is so much harder. There's nothing worse than being deeply in love with someone and them not reciprocating.

[Medic2]

A spellchecker should sort that out for you.

I cant edit it know and sorry, was not in the right state of mind

I have removed the photos off my phone but onto my laptop in a folder reading 'past memorys' and I have also password protected it to remind myslef whats behind that little folder.

latelyI have kept myslef very busy and havent thought about them initll know. My friends have been very suportive and took the p***.

[Merlin820]

It's much harder when feeling just change. If you've got something to be angry about, you can channel that to getting over them, but if they've fallen out of love with you and you still have strong feelings, moving on is so much harder. There's nothing worse than being deeply in love with someone and them not reciprocating.

Absolutely. I know how that feels as I said in my earlier post. It somehow makes them even more desirable.

As you say, easier to deal with if there's something you can focus on that's happened. All I can add is that those feelings fade. The gaps between thinking about that person get longer and longer without you even realising it.

[Burnsy2023]

It somehow makes them even more desirable.

Abso-friggin-lootely.

I'm going through a breakup at the moment, and it's amazing how much more you want the things you can't have.

[SEADOG]

Ok so the past few weeks for me have been the worst of my whole life, my partner of 5 years has split up from me and I didn't know how to coup with it all.

I've lost alot of weight the past couple of weeks and I haven't cried so much in years!!!

He was my first in so many ways first boyfriend,first love and this has hit my so hard.

I won't go in to detail but if at all possible you have to end it in a good way, make sure you speak and talk to each other, that was the hardest bit for me as he just shut down and was just acting as if nothing had happen.

We have had a good talk and cry last night, I might be losing him in a way but I will not lose my best friend!

[Merlin820]

Ok so the past few weeks for me have been the worst of my whole life, my partner of 5 years has split up from me and I didn't know how to coup with it all.

I've lost alot of weight the past couple of weeks and I haven't cried so much in years!!!

He was my first in so many ways first boyfriend,first love and this has hit my so hard.

I won't go in to detail but if at all possible you have to end it in a good way, make sure you speak and talk to each other, that was the hardest bit for me as he just shut down and was just acting as if nothing had happen.

We have had a good talk and cry last night, I might be losing him in a way but I will not lose my best friend!

He may have been acting that way Seadog but my experience tells me that you simply cannot switch feelings and love off like a light. It just doesn't happen overnight, so my guess is it was a front, probably because it was/is hurting him to know he was hurting you.

Tears are good. As for the weight, your appetite will return in time when the stress and emotions fade.

[Burnsy2023]

Ok so the past few weeks for me have been the worst of my whole life, my partner of 5 years has split up from me and I didn't know how to coup with it all.

I've lost alot of weight the past couple of weeks and I haven't cried so much in years!!!

He was my first in so many ways first boyfriend,first love and this has hit my so hard.

I won't go in to detail but if at all possible you have to end it in a good way, make sure you speak and talk to each other, that was the hardest bit for me as he just shut down and was just acting as if nothing had happen.

We have had a good talk and cry last night, I might be losing him in a way but I will not lose my best friend!

We should have a PS.com breakup support group.

I know what you mean about the whole acting as if it's not happened bit. It's really hard to see someone going from being affectionate and loving to putting up walls of defence and almost being cold.

When my GF left me, it was such a shock. I mean literally a shock, I went into all the classic symptoms and then she left. It was literally and hour between finding out and being in an empty house. I think I find the lack of intimacy difficult as well. After living with someone for years, not being able to hug them when you want to, or being able to curl up next to them when you go to bed. It's simple things like this that make life really hard.

It's funny how in times of emotional turmoil, some people comfort eat and some people stop eating all together. I'm like you and stop eating. I've lost 10lbs since this happened a few weeks ago, but have finally started eating almost normally again.

If you fancy talking to someone who's in the same boat, feel free to PM me

[SEADOG]

Burnsy, your Inbox is full I think lol

[Burnsy2023]

Burnsy, your Inbox is full I think lol

Sorted.

[Smiley Culture]

But I'm sure there would have been many items that relate to the most fantastic of memories.The aim usually isn't to bury and forget, it's to lock away, learn from the mistakes, and reminisce the good times later on.

I remember a month or two after breaking up with my last girlfriend, being stood over the bin with a couple of items that she'd made for me while we were going out. Try as I might, though, I couldn't bring myself to just trash them. So they are now in a box in the spare room, and one day I'll get them out to remind me of the good times.

It took me a while to get over that relationship too - two years later I'm now with someone else but while I'm happy in my current relationship, I still think about the one that went before. I don't think I found a simple solution for dealing with that break-up - basically, you just have to keep on keeping on. Unless, like me at the time, you're going through the Specials application process, in which case just lose yourself in the Blackstone's manual...

[Sappmer]

If you fancy talking to someone who's in the same boat, feel free to PM me

That won't help. Negative people hang round and talk to negative people and wallow in pity and carry on bringing eachother down. Unless you're a positive person who isn't going to mope on the bad times then I don't suggest this, and it can leave you both feeling worse.

And as Smiley Culture says, you just gotta get on with life and keep on moving.

[Merlin820]

That won't help. Negative people hang round and talk to negative people and wallow in pity and carry on bringing eachother down. Unless you're a positive person who isn't going to mope on the bad times then I don't suggest this, and it can leave you both feeling worse.

And as Smiley Culture says, you just gotta get on with life and keep on moving.

I don't agree with any of that at all. Why shouldn't they talk together about what they are going through? From what I've read, I don't think they could actually feel any worse than they already do and if PMing someone who is completely removed from their immediate circle of friends / colleagues / ex partners and the relationship as a whole helps them both, then good luck to them.

I'd say your last comment is more damaging than them communicating; it creates an expectation that they should be 'getting on with it' or 'getting over it' when they may not be, which causes far more anxiety.

Edited by Merlin820, 18 October 2011 - 02:57 PM.

[Burnsy2023]

That won't help. Negative people hang round and talk to negative people and wallow in pity and carry on bringing eachother down. Unless you're a positive person who isn't going to mope on the bad times then I don't suggest this, and it can leave you both feeling worse.

And as Smiley Culture says, you just gotta get on with life and keep on moving.

You obviously don't know me, I'm not that sort of person. I think it's important to feel like someone understands how you feel so you can make sense of what you feel. You need to know how you feel to move on from it.

Edited by Burnsy2023, 18 October 2011 - 03:20 PM.

[Sappmer]

Ah, I hadn't considered that aspect of it.

Sorry I take it all back.

[Smiley Culture]

I'd say your last comment is more damaging than them communicating; it creates an expectation that they should be 'getting on with it' or 'getting over it' when they may not be, which causes far more anxiety.

Oh...if that's how my remark came across, then it wasn't what I intended. Far be it for me to tell other people to "just get over it".

[Sappmer]

Oh...if that's how my remark came across, then it wasn't what I intended. Far be it for me to tell other people to "just get over it".

Talking to me, but yeah I never meant it like that. But thats how people read it.

[SkinSte]

No.


This would be unfair to the person involved. Not to mention it will probably be an emotional mountain to climb as there will probably still be the feeling of guilt (and not to mention the pain and sorrow) of trying to get to such an objective.


Just my two pence, I'm in the mind that you should only sleep with those you love. Reduces all sorts of complications straight away.

In the real world, people can have sex and just treat it as sex. You might not have that approach but others do. You'll notice if you bothered to read the rest of my post that some people would prefer certain approaches and some completely different.

[Merlin820]

Oh...if that's how my remark came across, then it wasn't what I intended. Far be it for me to tell other people to "just get over it".

No, it wasn't directed to you Smiley, it was directed to Sappmer's interpretation of it, which was basically 'Get over it'.

No, it wasn't directed to you Smiley, it was directed to Sappmer's interpretation of it, which was basically 'Get over it'.

Sappmer, for some, the end of a relationship means a lot more than just not seeing someone anymore, it's the end of your life as you'd planned to live it, so not only do you, in effect grieve the partner you've lost, but you grieve everything you thought you were going to have in the future. If you live together there's upheaval in that respect and worse, if children are involved.

[Josh'Grizzly'Gregory]

To anyone who's dealing with a bad break up, like I said earlier, even if you don't feel like it just hit the gym or work out. It'll boost your feel good endorphins and hopefully give you more confidence to get back on your feet and keep moving forward, it worked for me when I split with my fiance in fact it helped alot because it gave me something to fucus on