101 replies to this topic

[Dark_Lord666]

Right all you Guys and Girls,

I am looking for a good debate here and honesty from everyone who replies,

When you are dating? or attracted to that person, what draws you in? and what keeps you there?

I mean is it a case of they're a stunning beauty across the bar! or is it a case of talking, getting to know them and finding that they are one of the nicest, sweetest people you have ever met and in your eyes a stunner but not to the rest of the world? (that sounds Harsh but it's not meant to be)

I'll start with my answer, i like to get to know someone, i will chat to them, get to know them and make my decision on that, they dont have to be a super model, i am normally attracted to the 'Plain Jane' look anyway (once again not meant to be horrible) they dont have to be stunning in looks, just stunning in Personality!

Guys and Girls, your answers on a post card please!

[hathaway]

In my time (this makes me sound old, I'm only 21) I've dated some really nice but unattractive girls, and I've dated some gorgeous but really unpleasant girls.

However the longest relationships I was in (2.5 years) was a girl who was slim, pretty but by no means perfect, but she matched my personality almost exactly and we had a ridiculous amount of things in common.

I consider myself to be unusually picky when it comes to looks, but the winning factor always has to be personality.

[Burnsy2023]

I don't think it's an 'or' question. That said, I know it's a cliche, but beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. For a relationship to work, I need to be physically attracted to someone. That doesn't mean they need to be a pinup or beautiful in the stereotypical sense that the media and others portray. Everyone is different, some people prefer the slim type, some the curvy but what they look like is rather irrelevant as long as I think they look beautiful.

As for personality, that's probably the more difficult of the two. I think personality needs a much closer match than looks. You may not like that your GF has a bit more weight around the edges than you'd like (I'll be the first to admit that I fall in the category) but it's the small mannerisms that you'll either fall in love with, or it'll drive you to despair. These are the things that will end relationships rather than looks, well in IMHO. It's not just about personality either, it's about people's outlook on life and their wants. You may be really compatible with someone, but, again I apologise for the cliches, if your in a different stage of your life, that can make things very difficult. If you want to settle down and have a family, but the other person still wants to progress their career, than this can make things impossible, no matter how much you love and want them.

In short, relationships are far too complicated to just look at the question asked.

[MikeBrum]

I'm currently in a relationship with somebody I fell for long before seeing their face, their personality was fantastic on every level - also, they look fantastic on top of this, which was a stroke of extra luck.

[Merlin820]

Personality.

Every single time.

I'm currently in a relationship with somebody I fell for long before seeing their face, their personality was fantastic on every level - also, they look fantastic on top of this, which was a stroke of extra luck.

That's lovely Mike.

[Burnsy2023]

I'm currently in a relationship with somebody I fell for long before seeing their face, their personality was fantastic on every level - also, they look fantastic on top of this, which was a stroke of extra luck.

I think the other things about looks is that if their personality is really compatible, you almost have rose tinted glasses on and they often look better to you than you otherwise might think if you weren't so into them.

[MikeBrum]

I think the other things about looks is that if their personality is really compatible, you almost have rose tinted glasses on and they often look better to you than you otherwise might think if you weren't so into them.

This may be it, if you were to ask AJ himself he'd say he was hideous but I love everything about him

[Chewie]

I think the other things about looks is that if their personality is really compatible, you almost have rose tinted glasses on and they often look better to you than you otherwise might think if you weren't so into them.

I couldn't agree more!

[Shikari]

Depends...All my ex's, and current Girlfriend were friends before I began dating them, but would I have made as much effort if they were ugly? I dunno. I do prefer personality to all else though, with intelligence a close second and looks thirdly.

[fords]

looks draw you in, personality holds you there.

well it does for me

[Chewie]

Depends...All my ex's, and current Girlfriend were friends before I began dating them, but would I have made as much effort if they were ugly?

Ah, but how do you know they weren't ugly? As you say, they were friends before you fell for them, so you got to know and love their personality and therefore it's possible they appeared more physically attractive to you than they might otherwise have been.

There's a girl I adore who I've known for for around 6 or 7 years, but only met around 3 years ago - I got to know her through work, talking on the phone, and we both found that we had loads in common... the day I met her I was terrified in case she didn't look as I'd imagined, and to be honest, she didn't - but the more I saw of her, the more attractive she became, and looking back at my previous relationships (not that I actually have a relationship with this person, unfortunately), she's one of the most attractive people I've ever met.

(Jeez, I've got it bad, haven't I?!)

Edited by Chewie, 03 October 2011 - 10:41 PM.

[Gelf]

Depends...All my ex's, and current Girlfriend were friends before I began dating them, but would I have made as much effort if they were ugly? I dunno. I do prefer personality to all else though, with intelligence a close second and looks thirdly.

But were they just friends or were you friendly with them with a view to take things further?

looks draw you in, personality holds you there.

I think that is partly true, But not always, I have had many crushes on people over the years that when I met them I didnt even look twice at them.
One that springs to mind is a girl that I used to work with when I was in my mid teens. When she first started working there I can remember having a chat with one of my male colleagues about said girl and him saying some not very nice things about her and me agreeing with him that she wasnt up to much.
About 4 months later while talking with the same pal the girl walked past and waved at us and I said to him "there is something about her" and he agreed and it turned out we had both developed a crush on the girl who we had both agreed was not very good looking.
Thankfully that was over 10 years ago and I am older and wiser now, but it was a good lesson to learn and reminds me that looks are not that important at all realy.

I think the other things about looks is that if their personality is really compatible, you almost have rose tinted glasses on and they often look better to you than you otherwise might think if you weren't so into them.

Quite true, The film shallow hal although a little silly, is right on the money with this I think. Beauty realy is in the eye of the beholder!

[Kellym82]

My current boyfriend's floppy blonde hair and cute smile drew me in initially.

He isn't typically handsome, but there was something about him. And as soon as I started talking to him we just clicked and basically started going out almost instantly.

So of course, meeting someone randomly looks have to play a significant part in the fact I actually went to talk to him. If I had found him repulsive I wouldn't have bothered going to talk to him! (on a fancying him basis anyway!)

So for me, looks have a large place initially, but if I hadn't got on with him there's no way I would have stayed with him. And as others have said, he gets more attractive to me every day so now looks and personality are strangely intertwined!

[bensonby]

If anyone's seen the state of my girlfriend then it's definately a case of personality over looks



But in all seriousness - if you are going to have a relationship with someon then, as a given, you are going to spend a lot of time with them: you have to get on. You can't spend the whole time gazing at them!

[Shikari]

Ah, but how do you know they weren't ugly? As you say, they were friends before you fell for them, so you got to know and love their personality and therefore it's possible they appeared more physically attractive to you than they might otherwise have been.

There's a girl I adore who I've known for for around 6 or 7 years, but only met around 3 years ago - I got to know her through work, talking on the phone, and we both found that we had loads in common... the day I met her I was terrified in case she didn't look as I'd imagined, and to be honest, she didn't - but the more I saw of her, the more attractive she became, and looking back at my previous relationships (not that I actually have a relationship with this person, unfortunately), she's one of the most attractive people I've ever met.

(Jeez, I've got it bad, haven't I?!)

I'll be honest...that sounds a bit stalker-ish to me .

Good point though, and I guess it's true, but they have all been pretty attractive and my current missus is stunning . Dunno how I got any of them in all honesty ^^.

[Chewie]

I'll be honest...that sounds a bit stalker-ish to me .

That's the trouble when you get to know someone really well over the phone - but you also don't get distracted by their looks, it's solely down to their personality... bonus for me was that when I finally got to meet her, she was a looker too - I just hope I wasn't a disappointment!

Edited by Chewie, 13 October 2011 - 11:51 PM.

[Merlin820]

You can't spend the whole time gazing at them!

Why?

Is that not the done thing then?






*stops staring at picture of Chewie*

[Chewie]

Why?

Is that not the done thing then?

*stops staring at picture of Chewie*

Aww, I'm touched...

[Whopper MacBig]

First and foremost for me are a cracking set of jugs.

Nothing else matters really - I'm that shallow.

[Burnsy2023]

First and foremost for me are a cracking set of jugs.

Nothing else matters really - I'm that shallow.

I must admit, I am very much a boob man, but boobs alone are not enough.

[Whopper MacBig]

I must admit, I am very much a boob man, but boobs alone are not enough.

They're enough in the dark.

[Burnsy2023]

They're enough in the dark.

You really are a man of simple pleasures

[Chewie]

They're enough in the dark.

A fair and valid point.

[Whopper MacBig]

A fair and valid point.

That should be "points" if we're talking about a full rack?

[Chewie]

That should be "points" if we're talking about a full rack?

Yep, perhaps I should go back and give it a tweak...