10 replies to this topic

[Stevie6544]

Hello. Hard to know what to put in this forum, that won't be discected by 'various people' in 'various roles'.

In the force that guards the star cluster, there are many wonderful things going on that only certain people(about 8,500) know about that cost a lot of money that they allegedly don't have, like the 'Single White Elephant' project that will replace all dangerous pieces of office stationary equipment with one universal item.

The problem is that the idea of 'one pencil fits all' has proved to be a real money pit, due to those upstairs not taking end-user advice about the design of the proposed pencil and the add-ons that are already available on the pencils already in use, but are considered too 'pencilly' for public appearence.

The lack of an eraser and easy low-light-level re-sharpening has been the biggest dropping penny, and things have dragged on so long without bold decision-making that this has resulted in members of the star cluster office losing their quals to use the pencils they have.

Of course this barely-hidden modern version of the 'emperor's new clothes' has now imploded, with big lumps of blame and career-retarding material flying at high speed in all directions. Those with the highest coating of teflon are attempting to avoid immersement but this one, like all the best comedies, will run and run.

The new pencil may arrive at a stationary cupboard near you soon. Or not.

If anyone understands what this is all about, it means I haven't written it properly. Or maybe I have.

Let's be careful out there, and especially in the stationary cupboard.

[Gettaway]

Hello. Hard to know what to put in this forum, that won't be discected by 'various people' in 'various roles'.

In the force that guards the star cluster, there are many wonderful things going on that only certain people(about 8,500) know about that cost a lot of money that they allegedly don't have, like the 'Single White Elephant' project that will replace all dangerous pieces of office stationary equipment with one universal item.

The problem is that the idea of 'one pencil fits all' has proved to be a real money pit, due to those upstairs not taking end-user advice about the design of the proposed pencil and the add-ons that are already available on the pencils already in use, but are considered too 'pencilly' for public appearence.

The lack of an eraser and easy low-light-level re-sharpening has been the biggest dropping penny, and things have dragged on so long without bold decision-making that this has resulted in members of the star cluster office losing their quals to use the pencils they have.

Of course this barely-hidden modern version of the 'emperor's new clothes' has now imploded, with big lumps of blame and career-retarding material flying at high speed in all directions. Those with the highest coating of teflon are attempting to avoid immersement but this one, like all the best comedies, will run and run.

The new pencil may arrive at a stationary cupboard near you soon. Or not.

If anyone understands what this is all about, it means I haven't written it properly. Or maybe I have.

Let's be careful out there, and especially in the stationary cupboard.

you haven't written it properly then mate. I know exactly what you're on about and I can't use the old pencil from 2 weeks hence. Joke beyond joke.

[Stevie6544]

It's a good thing that the carrying of pencils is frowned upon in so many areas of the star cluster then.
They give such a bad impression to the MoP - they might even think that there is a reason to carry them.

It might even get to the point where the little stubs of crayon that most cluster officers have, might be all that is available....but hey, there's no illegal stationary out there now, everyone has Blackberrys under the government scrappage scheme. And Armanis, and good jobs. 'Raaayyyy.

This still doesn't make any sense, and I'm the one writing it......

[dredd1981]

It's a good thing that the carrying of pencils is frowned upon in so many areas of the star cluster then.
They give such a bad impression to the MoP - they might even think that there is a reason to carry them.

It might even get to the point where the little stubs of crayon that most cluster officers have, might be all that is available....but hey, there's no illegal stationary out there now, everyone has Blackberrys under the government scrappage scheme. And Armanis, and good jobs. 'Raaayyyy.

This still doesn't make any sense, and I'm the one writing it......

I've tried to understand it but my feeble constable brain won't let me! The conclusion ive come to is that you've either devoured some white powder you found in your property store or the stress has finally gotten to you....probably a bit of both

[Stevie6544]

I'm reminded of an old folk song......

'Whatever you say, say nathin'
When you talk about 'you know what'
For if 'you know who' should hear you,
You know what u'll get
They'll send you off to 'you know where'
for you wouldn't know how long
So for you-know-who's sake,
Don't let anyone hear you singin' this song'

Ah, shared heritage......

[I'm still here]

The star cluster have informed me that I'm to inform you (they can't seem to work their own blackberrys!!) that if you all continue to post disparaging and frankly, non-conformist remarks they will instruct a discipline champion ( Star cluster storm trooper) to hunt you down and remove ALL your "old style pens, crayons and pencils" and break them!!
folks you have been warned!! Dark Helmet and the clusterette's continue to monitor your EVERY move!!


Be safe!! wear your hi-viz under your black body armour!!

[Stevie6544]

ISH, if you are referring to the Popular Squirrely Deskwarriors, they have enough dark holes to explore without chasing up a dull conversation about stationary.
"The more star clusters you grab, the more will slip through your fingers" (Princess Leia, 'Star Wars')


Please eat this post after reading.

[I'm still here]

ISH, if you are referring to the Popular Squirrely Deskwarriors, they have enough dark holes to explore without chasing up a dull conversation about stationary.
"The more star clusters you grab, the more will slip through your fingers" (Princess Leia, 'Star Wars')


Please eat this post after reading.

As per your previous instruction I did try and eat the aforementioned post, however the lead to the monitor proved more than a little unpalatable, (not unlike some of the latest ramblings being uttered by Dark Helmet!!)
It seems someone has "lost" a rocket but sure it's grand, cos as long as we use our brand new technology nowt else matters

This message will self destruct in..........................

[Flakmule]

THIS JUST IN!!!

New PSNI super stationary can't take statements from ROI dwellers without housenumbers and postcodes....one representative stated, "we never thought of that"

[I'm still here]

THIS JUST IN!!!

New PSNI super stationary can't take statements from ROI dwellers without housenumbers and postcodes....one representative stated, "we never thought of that"

Old news, they have used the revolutionary ZZZZZ code from a system they said was rubbish, antiquated and not up the job................................hold on a second!!................................

[Stevie6544]

(wiping away treacherous tear of pride)

I'm just so proud that 'professional, proactive, pyrrhic, preventative, pearl necklace policing' is now so widespread. Bless.

If you squeezed these new items in the stationary cupboard of anti-crime measures to see how much common sense and meaningful forethought went into them....you would be surprised.*





*...if you actually got any.